Confident Hope

A little over two years ago, I wrote a post on Romans 12:12. As I have grown, this verse has taken on new meaning in my life. I’d like to share a little bit on what it means to me now.

“Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.”

Romans 12:12

The part of this verse that sticks out to me the most is confident hope. Sometimes life can seem pretty hopeless. It’s like we put these blinders on, which makes it so that we can only see one aspect of our life. If that aspect of our life is not yielding the results that we want and might be expecting, then life can get pretty dreary.

We move from having blinders on to being in a rut, which turns into a hole. Pretty soon we have lost track of who we are because we are not focused on hope. In fact, we just feel hopeless. Maybe for some people hopeless looks like not feeling worthy, maybe for others hopeless looks like losing a loved one, maybe it looks like not getting the grade you wanted on an assignment, or the job you’ve worked so hard for is taken from you.

I want to share with you that your feelings are valid. They’re true to you. If you feel like you’re stuck at the bottom of a hole, then chances are that you are stuck. Being stuck is far from easy. There are two options when you’re in a hole; you can dig deeper, or you can get out.

So the question is: do I stay here at the bottom of the hole and risk getting deeper into hopelessness? Or, do I look up and see the glimmer of light which is actually hope?

Today, I choose hope. Sometimes hope means texting someone and telling them what you’re feeling. Sometimes hope means going to talk to a therapist. Sometimes hope means going to a doctor. Whatever hope means to you, my wish is that you always choose it.

Going back to the verse, our confident hope is knowing that regardless of whether we are in a hole, or on a mountaintop, that God is with us. We may not feel Him, or even want Him to be with us, but He’s there anyway. Because of Christ, we get to be victorious. We get to come out on top when we go through trials.

My hope is the light I see in the bottom of a hole. My confident hope is knowing that God fights alongside me.

Choose hope.

C’est la vie,

Kayla ❤


Life Changing!

I’m in a reflective mood this evening. In a few weeks I have an appointment to begin the process of getting a new hearing aid. This appointment is bringing back a lot of memories of my journey with hearing loss.

I think back to the countless appointments that I went to each year that ranged from having a hearing test done, to getting surgery after surgery to try and correct my hearing.

A mild to moderate hearing loss doesn’t seem like much, but it affects not only the person with the loss, but everyone they interact with. The T.V. was always too quiet for me to hear, as was the radio in the car. I think my two famous phrases from that era of my life were: “Can you turn it up?” And “What??” This hearing loss was frustrating for me and for my family and friends. Communication was especially difficult. People would get tired of repeating things four times and would just say never mind, and I wouldn’t get to know what they had said. I always walk on the left side of people because my right ear has better hearing than my left. I had to wear earplugs whenever I went swimming or took a shower, so I could hear even less than normal.

After my last ear surgery that was done to try and correct my hearing, the doctor suggested that it was probably time that I try a hearing aid. By this time, they had basically fixed the hearing in my right ear, but there was still a mild to moderate hearing loss in my left ear that never went away.

I was twelve years old when I got my hearing aid. This happened to be the summer before I was in grade eight. I was an insecure middle school girl, and this was a difficult transition for me. I thought that people would make fun of me for wearing a hearing aid. I thought that no boy would ever like me. I was completely embarrassed with the thought of having a hearing aid and braces at the same time. I was always sure to have my hair covering my hearing aid, and the color that I chose for my hearing aid was skin toned so to draw the least amount of attention to me. Those were some interesting years of my life.

As soon as I put my hearing aid in for the first time, it was life changing! I could hear things that I couldn’t hear before. I didn’t need the T.V. or radio up so loud, and I even asked my mom a few times why she was yelling at me.

That moment happened eight years ago. My hearing aid has been life changing. But not always in a positive way. I now had to make sure that I didn’t have it in when I went swimming or took a shower (Fun fact: it has been in a lake and in the shower a few times, yet still works). Certain physical activities are better played without a hearing aid in. I won’t even mention the times that I thought I lost the thing!

No one talks about how your hearing aid always loses its battery at the most inconvenient times when you don’t have another replacement battery. No one talks about how it can irritate the inside and outside of your ear, or how your hair gets tangled in it. No one talks about how you can’t enjoy music without getting feedback from the darn thing. And no one talks about how it’s impossible to wear both your hearing aid and headphones at the same time. It’s either only listening through one headphone, or having to turn up the volume on anything you’re listening to. People don’t tell you that listening to people talking in a microphone is annoying, but you can’t hear them otherwise. No one talks about children or adolescents or young adults who wear hearing aids, the focus is always on the elderly when it comes to hearing loss.

There are many days that I want to chuck my hearing aid at the bottom of a river and hope to never see it again, while magically regaining my hearing. There are days when I wish I could have just one more surgery that would make it so I don’t have to wear a hearing aid for the rest of my life.

I am so grateful for the technology that allows me to have close to normal hearing. This hearing aid is a part of my being. It goes everywhere with me. I would be lost without it. I just like to dream of a day when I never have to rely on it ever again. I think that would be the best day of my life.

C’est la vie,

Kayla ❤


Yesterday was spontaneous. It didn’t start out that way, in fact it started out like most mornings do for me- hitting snooze on my alarm. I got up and went to my morning class like I usually would. During this class, I got a text message from one of my friends asking if I’d like to go to McDonalds for lunch after my class was over, and of course I answered her with a resounding yes! When my class was over, we didn’t go to McDonalds, we spontaneously decided that Montanas would be a much better choice and so off to Montanas we went. It was a good decision and we had some precious friend time. When we got back from lunch, I saw that another one of my friends was parking her car and was about to enter our apartment building, so I did what any good friend would do… I hid to try to scare her. It worked, haha. Then I spent the afternoon with her, spontaneous activity number two. I can honestly say that spending my afternoon with this lovely friend of mine was way more exciting and fun than doing the homework that I had originally scheduled into my afternoon. After supper, I was sitting in my room debating on whether or not I would try to get any work done. Any guesses to what I chose to do? If you thought that I decided to do work, you’re wrong! Haha. Instead, spontaneous activity number three happened. I bought two Rend Collective albums. I bought The Art of Celebration, and Good News. All this to say that sometimes a boring old regular day can change into a great day with a few spontaneous decisions.

C’est la vie,

Kayla ❤

Ps. Please listen to Counting Every Blessing by Rend Collective. It’s one of my favorites on the Good News album! Sooo good!

Pride & Reflections

I was recently filling out a job application and one of the questions asked what was one thing that I did this year that I was proud of. I think this is a really interesting question because, at least for me, pride is seen as more of a vice, or a bad thing. I had a really hard time trying to come up with an answer for this question. I wasn’t exactly proud of my performance in school this past semester, and I haven’t done much else. Then it occurred to me that I don’t have to be proud of something big that happened this year, it could be something simple. After I thought about it for a few minutes, I realized that I am proud of myself for trying to stretch myself by going outside of my comfort zone. I strongly believe that in order to grow as a person, and in my faith, staying in a comfort zone is just not useful. The times where I learn the most are the times that I put myself out there and do things that I wouldn’t normally do. I think this past year was a year of growth for me, especially in my personal life. I think that I learned what it truly means to persevere through adversity. I learned a lot about my personal strength and self-control, and what happens when I let Jesus take over. I have done so many things in 2017 that I said I would never do…I guess God has a sense of humor! What are some things that you did this past year that you’re proud of? C’est la vie, Kayla <3Ps. Please feel free to leave comments sharing what you’re proud of, I would love to know! 🙂

Not Giving Up

Hello Everyone!

It’s been quite awhile since I have written. I had to wait for something to inspire me enough to write a new post. I thought I would share with you all something that I have been learning so far this semester in my life.

Failing, failure, not being good enough– these were all thoughts that were running around my mind in what seemed to be like a never-ending cycle. For whatever reason, this semester of school has been very different for me academically. I am used to passing tests and papers with flying colors, and only occasionally getting a bad grade here and there. This year, I have gotten the worst grades I have ever gotten in my entire life. I am not doing anything drastically different than normal. It has been frustrating to say the least.

Failing, failure, not being good enough– I needed something to break this. I needed to get something positive back from any of my classes to know that not everything that I have done was horrible. This actually happened recently. I finally got a mark that I felt was okay enough to make me feel a little bit better.

Failing, failure, not being good enough- God is teaching me some things. The first thing that he is teaching me is patience. The second thing that God is teaching me is that He is ultimately in control, and I am not. For someone who really likes to feel in control of things, this is a hard lesson for me to learn. He’s teaching me that there are more important things in life than getting a good grade.

Failing, failure, not being good enough- Instead of thinking these thoughts, I have been trying to meditate on God’s word. More specifically Philippians 4:8. “And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”

My thoughts are now: Failing, failure, and that’s okay. 

C’est la vie,

Kayla ❤

Ps. You guessed it, I’ve been listening to music while writing! Here’s a link to the song that is currently playing.


Summer Camp

This past summer I have been working at a Christian summer camp as a senior cabin counselor. At camp I work harder than I ever thought was possible, but it’s all worth it.

I was never the kid that went to summer camp. I stayed home with my mom and siblings and did fun activities with them, but sleepaway camp was never a part of my childhood summers. My sister worked at a summer camp for at least five summers as a lifeguard, but for whatever reason, I was never interested in working at camp. This is strange because I always have loved working with kids. Maybe I didn’t want to work at camp because I didn’t want to work with my sister and have to be constantly measuring up to her standards. I think that the main reason I didn’t want to work at a summer camp was that I had a huge lack of self-confidence, especially with my ability to lead children. I always used to think that other people could do the job way better than I could and it hurt me in the long run. 

I was approached by a trusted friend in my life during the winter season while I was still at school. This friend of mine struck up a conversation while at the dinner table in our school cafeteria about a summer camp that she had been working at and how the director was looking for more staff members. She went on to tell me that I should apply to work at camp. I straight up told her no. Haha. You can probably tell where the rest of this story is heading. Anyway, after she told me I should work at camp, the conversation kept coming up. I was starting to think about reasons why I shouldn’t work at camp. I told my friend that if she could give me good reasons to work at camp that I would at least apply. So, my friend gave me reasons, and I held up my end of the deal by praying about it and talking with other trusted people in my life. I finally came to the conclusion that I would send off an application. The director of the camp emailed me shortly after to set up a time for an interview. Towards the end of my interview, the director told me that I had a job if I wanted it and that she would send me the contract later so I could decide. I don’t write that to toot my own horn, but I write that because looking back I can clearly see how God was guiding me and letting me know that I needed to work at camp. 

Working at camp has been one of the most stressful and terrifying experiences of my life. Stepping outside my comfort zone in such a dramatic way was scary. However, working at camp has been such a huge blessing in my life. It has taught me confidence when leading children. It has taught me patience. It has also taught me that even when I feel like I have no more energy, no more love to give, no more patience, and no more excitement, that I have the ability to push through. Physically and mentally I have broken boundaries within myself that I didn’t think was possible. Each week of camp has its good times and its bad times but I have been able to work through these times and come out on top. 

At this point I am unsure of whether or not I will apply to work at camp again next summer, but the one thing that I can be sure of is that I will forever keep in mind the lessons that I have learned, and the people that have encouraged me along the way. 

C’est la vie, 

Kayla ❤

Ps. Never be too scared to step outside your comfort zone.. you won’t regret it!

Why Being a Christian at a Christian School is Hard

I know what you’re thinking. The title of this post must be a typo, surely going to a Christian school is the best place for a Christian to be. Here are a few reasons as to why I think that going to a Christian school has been detrimental to my faith. (HINT: It was my fault and not the school’s).

The first thing that you as the reader need to know about me is that before I went to the Christian university that I am at now, I had always been attending public schools. In high school especially, I had to learn how to defend my faith. I had so many friends around and people that did not know Jesus. I had to be Jesus to my friends and peers through my actions and my words. This required me to be reading my Bible, talking in fellowship with other Christians, and praying constantly for the people that were around me. I had a passion, a fire if you will, for Christ. I was the strongest in my faith than I had ever been. I believe that this was due to my internal motivation, determination, and perseverance to learn and my yearning to be close to Christ. When major life events happened in high school, I knew how to cope with them. I knew that I had a small group of people that I could talk with who were also Christians going through the same things as me, who were also trying to navigate through life at the same pace as me. Biblical community was a big priority in my life.

When I first got to my university, I thought that it was going to be so nice to finally be in an environment where the majority of people had the same values and beliefs as me. And honestly, it was incredible! At first, the daily chapel opportunities, the residence Bible studies, the Bible classes, and university church on Friday nights were just what I needed. However, as time went on, my faith became placid. I struggled with the people that were so clearly hypocrites. I did not understand how people could go from worshiping God to dissing someone in a span of two minutes. After some time passed, I am quite sure that I became a hypocrite myself. All of the tools offered to strengthen our faith became the reasons that I stopped caring as much about learning and desiring to be close to God. Of course, there were still times where I very much needed and enjoyed the tools, but my faith was not at the level it had been in high school. Ironically, I had to work harder at a Christian university to maintain my relationship with Jesus than I had to while I was attending my public high school. Not everything has been bad. I love learning in the Bible courses about the Bible. I find that they really helped me to get more out of my Bible reading. I’m still trying to regain my faith and get over being in this dry spot.

Let me know if you have any experiences like mine. How did you overcome and regain your faith?

C’est la vie,

Kayla ❤


Interruptions Part 2

Continuing on the theme of my last post, I will be sharing another life interruption that God used to become a huge part of my life.

It starts young, the questions about who you want to be and what you want to do when you’re older. Most little kids have more than one option, and most of the time these options are extremely different from one another. For example, when I was little, I wanted to be a teacher or a doctor. I always knew that I wanted to have a husband and children as well as my career. I suppose that those are two career choices are very viable options, and I grew up always caught between the two. There were times when I was for sure going to be a doctor because of the positive experiences I had with doctors. There were also times where I was for sure going to be a teacher because of all the influential teachers that I had in my life. 

When it was getting closer to the time where I needed to make this huge decision, I started talking with the most important people in my life. I was praying for my future, and for God to tell me exactly what I should do. Funny how that isn’t the way God works though. After talking with one of my friends, I was told that I was a good listener and that I gave great advise. I had taken personality tests online that said my personality would work well in one of the caring professions. 

I finally narrowed it down to counseling. Listening and empathizing with people comes naturally to me. I went to my guidance counselor at my school, who suggested that I take a Bachelor of Arts with a major in Psychology. There are two universities that are local to me, one is French, and the other is English. Upon reviewing my marks, my guidance counselor suggested that I apply to the French school so that I would better my chances of getting a job after I was through with university. 

After more thinking, talking, and praying, I decided that doing university in French, which is my second language would be too hard of a task for me if I wanted to be successful. After all, I was going into psychology blinded. I had never taken any psych courses, and was enrolled in one my second semester of grade 12, but if I had waited to see what I thought of psychology until that point, I would have been too late in applying for schools. 

At this point I was questioning everything! I didn’t know what school to go to, I didn’t know what program to apply for, and I surely didn’t know what I wanted to do after I was done university. My parents were trying to be helpful by letting me make the decision on my own, but this was incredibly difficult for me. I just wanted someone to tell me exactly what to do. I didn’t realize at the time that I needed to be the one making my own decisions. It was difficult. I didn’t even want to go to university at this point, and I became so anxious through the experience that I wouldn’t apply to a non-Christian university for fear of what went on in the dorms. 

I ended up sending off two applications to two different Christian universities. My first choice was a school that was almost an hour away from my home, and the other school was in my hometown. Time wise, this was December of grade 12, and I was finally able to enjoy my Christmas break without worrying about my future schooling. I applied to be in a counseling diploma program from my top pick, and a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology in the local school. 

Come February, I still had not heard from my top pick school. However, I got home one day from school and in the mail was my acceptance letter to the local school. After even more praying and talking things over with family and friends, I decided to accept my offer at that school. My school. My university that I’m currently attending.

I have  just completed my second year of the program, and I must say that I have changed my mind many more times about what I want to do after I’m done this degree. At this point, I strongly think that I would love to be a social worker. Preferably someone who deals with kids. 

We will see where my future takes me. One thing I know is that even though I didn’t want to go to the university that I’m at, it’s the place where I belong. It’s the place where God wanted me, where He still wants me. I wouldn’t trade my experience for anything. 

C’est la vie, 

Kayla ❤ 

Ps. Be looking out for a part three. At some point, I’ll write about another life interruption. 


This past Sunday in church, the pastor was speaking on interruptions that we experience in life and how we react to these interruptions. I’m going to share just one of my life’s interruptions.

Having hearing issues is something that I have grown up with almost my entire life. I was diagnosed with mild to moderate hearing loss in both my ears at my pre-kindergarten check up. I was 4 years old. So, for as long as I can remember, I have never known what it’s like to have normal hearing. My hearing problem caused many interruptions in my life, including 6 surgeries from kindergarten through to grade 7. That equals out to be 6 surgeries in 8 years. It caused many tears, frustration, and a few triumphs along the way. 

The greatest interruption that my hearing loss brought me happened when I was twelve years old. My parents and I were at a doctors visit. The doctor gave us two options. The first option was for him to operate on my left ear again. He wanted to replace one of the bones that wasn’t working as well in my ear with a plastic replica in hopes of treating my loss of hearing for good. The other option was for me to get a hearing aid to wear for the rest of my life, unless something else came along that I chose to do. Tired of having surgery after surgery, my parents and I decided to give the hearing aid a try. 

It was not an easy adjustment for me as I was a self conscious twelve year old girl who was still in middle school. I believe I was in grade eight at the time. I was worried that people would stare at me all the time, and that they would think I was a freak. I even thought that I would never have a chance at having a boyfriend or even friends. I was so insecure about the decision. And even though I felt so insecure, I knew that a hearing aid could potentially be life changing. 

Fast forward to a few months later, and I went with my mom to many audiologist appointments to get my ear fitted for a hearing aid, and to choose the one I wanted. I even got to choose the colour, which of course I chose the skin coloured one. When my hearing aid first went in my ear and was turned on, I was astonished. Before the audiologist put it in my ear, I could only hear her and my mom. After she put it in, I could hear a little boy that was running down the hall outside of the room I was in. 

I soon realized that my hearing aid was one of the best tools I had ever received! I have now had it for eight years, and I am thankful for the technology every single day. I am also thankful for the supportive people in my life at the time, including family and friends. We all noticed the difference immediately. No more yelling at me in order to get my attention. No more having the T.V at super loud volumes. I was able to enjoy life. I AM able to enjoy life!

Even though having a hearing aid is not ideal, I believe that perspective is key to situations that are sad or frustrating. I still have days where I have a pity party about my hearing, but I know that having a pity party is not going to change the fact that I don’t have good hearing. Do I ever wonder what my life would be like without having gone through this whole journey, absolutely! I just have to remember that God created me the way that he did, and that I’m created in his image. I get to stay hopeful for the day when I meet Jesus in heaven, and I no longer have to wear my hearing aid. What a glorious day that will be! 

C’est la vie,

Kayla ❤

Ps. Maybe I’ll talk about some of my other life interruptions in another post. 


I just want to be real, open, and authentic as a person. I want people to feel like they can ask me anything and know automatically that I am going to be so honest and vulnerable that they may wish that they had never asked in the first place.  I want people to look at me and realize that I am an authentic person (well, I want them to at least realize that I am trying to be authentic). I strive to be open and honest with others. I may not be good at talking about my feelings, however, I feel like if people asked questions about my life then I would let them know. I honestly do not remember the last time that someone genuinely asked me how I am doing. Not that anyone is really at fault…I have not been asking people how they are really doing in awhile too, or sometimes I just don’t feel like answering that question. It goes both ways. Sometimes I don’t want to talk, but other times I am dying to let people know what is going on. I don’t usually start the conversation because I don’t want to be a burden to others.

This is me. Being as honest as I can, even if it was just for this short period of time.

C’est la vie,

Kayla ❤

This random thought for the night is brought to you by a Kayla that is tired, in the midst of writing papers and working on presentations, and feeling like I am being spread thin.